Sex and the Seven

Thursday, March 24, 2005

State of Relationships

Hold up, wait a minute! So maybe I'm the last to know, and maybe I'm just naive, but WHADDAYOUMEAN that Jada and Will have an open marriage. Now I know that this is not a blog to discuss celebrities and their odd relationship choices, but I feel compelled to address this issue head on. Now I basically think that this is sad and Will and Jada (Jada in particular) have lost their damn minds. Beyond the sheer stupidity of having an open relationship in the day of AIDS and countless other sexually transmitted diseases that are easily spread, this is making a loud statement concerning the state of Black relationships and the Black woman's state of mind. Now why would a beautiful and successful Black woman like Jada Pinkett stand for a relationship in which her husband is allowed to ask for permission to sleep with other women, thereby embarrassing her publicly, and subjecting her to any number of contagions?
The truth is that the state of mind, consciously or subconsciously, of Black women in general, is that much of this behavior must be tolerated because of the grim prospect of the alternative. At a certain level of success the Black woman finds herself in the company of very few Black men who have achieved that same level of success or higher. At this point the pool is shallow and it becomes very difficult to find a suitable partner. As a recently single Black woman this saddens my heart because it is a slap in the face and a wake up call that successful Black men too often think that they are essentially "above the law" so to speak. They recognize the shortage in their own supply and the intense demand by women everywhere. Consequently, they simply act a fool, and we deal with it, or suffer the consequences.
When is this going to end? Is it? Or should those of us who are not currently attached simply get a cute dog and a new pair or Manolo Blahniks and call it a day? And those of us who are attached, brace themselves for the inevitable D-Day when your Black man will too realize his status and borrow his boy's can of "I can't act right"? This problem was illustrated to me in a recent conversation with a good friend who explained to me that her male cousin (about our age) had lost the love of his life to another's arms, and his response was "Gotta let that ho go." That pretty much sums it up. Black men can just let it go, and move on because, no matter how much they love us, they know that there is someone else out there, even if they have to settle just a little. We on the other hand don't have that luxury, at the end of a relationship, one of the first reality checks is the prospect that he might have been the one, and the looming prospect of living life alone because it is so rare to meet someone on your level, who you are attracted to, who is attracted to you, and meets all of the other qualifications necessary for love.
My mantra for 2005 was "Well, you just gotta let something go", but never did I imagine that that something could conceivably be the sanctity of marital vows in exchange for security of simply having someone.


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