Sex and the Seven

Sunday, April 15, 2007


The Webster definition of a man could not possibly capture the scenarios of the individuals that run rampant in this world, charading as grown people, disguising their little boy intellect and level of maturity . When I was little, I envisioned dating to be simple. As I grew older, I realized that it, unfortunately, is just not that easy. The "men" of 2007 are plagued with disorders such as commitment phobia, excessive pride, cockiness and my personal favorite, "disappearing acts due to personal issues". I often wonder, how can you claim to care, or claim to love someone, but hurt them at the sometime? As a female, I am guilty of alot things, mainly being entirely too trusting and forgiving. It is exhausting to emanate pure disgust for someone for an extended period of time. However, the forgiveness, or what's better known as the second chance, is often mistaken by "men" to translate into "I can do whatever I want, take all the time I need, and she'll still be there." How would you feel if someone disappeared on you, or if you had to someow find solace in the fact that they "really care", but they're just going through something, knowing good and damn well that it all sounds like a poor excuse for bullshit?If the roles were reversed, I guarandamntee there would NEVER be a chance to make it up, but yet I, the female am supposed to believe an apology, and that from this point forward you'll never do it again, and that you really care? Not really sure, but the last time I checked, Jesus hadn't stepped down from the throne and knighted you as Lord and Savior. Therefore, what makes you think you have the right to have more than one free pass to act like a selfish ass? And what ever happened to the traditional man who was content with taking care of a female even though she didn't need it? The one who didn't mind actually going through the acts of dating, and playing a masculine role instead of the sorry alternative of wanting a "sugar mama" to "treat" and cater to their every need? Don't get me wrong, I'm an excellent significant other. I'm thoughtful, I'm considerate, I'm observant and all of the above, but only given when credit is due. When I think of a man, I think of the nonexistent type, the one who is honest, supportive, well versed, considerate, intelligent and respectful. The one who recognizes a good one when he sees her, and will do everything in his power to keep her around. The one who would never mess up a second chance, because he wouldn't need one in the first place. The one who isn't a raving coward scared of the word "commitment" and the one who won't mind extending themselves and their pride to get her back. This ghost definition of a "man" rests in my eyes and the eyes of women like me who still think that there is someone out there who will treat them the way they deserve to be treated. The "men" of 2007, or at least the ones I encounter, are content with being cowards, running scared from the idea of settling down; assholes, this could cover a variety of activities from cheating to being MIA; and annoyingly confident that one day the one who they should have been with five years ago, will still be around when they get ready. I, for one, am tired of being the girl in the box, the one who they want to be with, but just not "right now", the one who they can switch on and off when they feel like it. I am not meant to be put on hold, and if anyone would risk losing me more than one time, it tells me all I need to know. So I ask the question, will the real men please stand up?

Sunday, December 31, 2006


To the black females of America, I commend you on your strength, I admire your perseverance, I applaud your wisdom and I bow gracefully to your stellar presence and advice. In addition to the pressures of the society and the country we live in, we must fight, amongst our own race, to discover the hidden precious pearl of love to lead us in to happily ever after . I am a twenty five year old black female with a master’s degree and a lucrative career path. I graduated cum laude from an ivy league university. I am sophisticated, articulate, intelligent, driven with a kind spirit, a big heart, and a beautiful persona, both inside and out. One would think, given the previous attributes, that Prince Charming would be knocking down my door, but instead, I am bombarded with losers and males who think they are God’s greatest gift to women. I am warning you, black women of America, of a new loser to be aware of. I met him five months ago in an upscale club in the city of downtown, and despite it not being our first run in with one another, there was something about that particular evening that compelled me to give him my telephone number. Our first date went fairly well, although I was unimpressed with his countless attempts to vocally bludgeon me with the people he knew and connections he had around the city. I was so unimpressed in fact, that I reported to my clique after the date, that he was cocky and arrogant, and that if anything, we would be just friends. As time passed, he turned down the cocky button and I began to see him for who I thought he truly was. Coming off of a long break from a very hurtful situation, I was cautious, but still a little vulnerable in the dating game, for which he used to take advantage. He charmed me with his words, his empty allusions to the future, his focus and honesty, cooing about how much he liked me, if he missed me, how he liked being close to me and played such a convincing role that his sincere, award winning performance would have surely been nominated for on Oscar. He was aware of my break, both physical and mental, and appeared to be very unconcerned with its outcome, which, of course, was a passive aggressive manipulative tactic to induce me to end it sooner rather than later, which finally, I did. For a week afterwards, he kept up the charade, calling and texting me, lying about how much he missed me, and conveniently backed out of an event of which he was supposed to accompany me and meet my friends, at which point was the last I ever heard from him. Later I discovered, that I was one of many, one of whom I had met before, but had bragged about how he bagged her, in graphic detail, to a mutual friend, who of course, relayed the message to me entirely too late. As a female with antique moral fiber of the dating game, I am not a person who sleeps around, I am more of a serial monogamist, and shudder at the thought of one night stands, or being intimate with someone I just met or do not know. My decision, after five months of dating, was all on my own, for which I am responsible for and am not ashamed of. However, I am purely disgusted at the idea that someone would go to such extensive lengths, to create an agenda, and pretend to care for the purpose of sex. The year is 2007, and sex is the name of the dating game. There are plenty of women and men, who are willing to give it up on the regular without a second thought. Therefore, is it that serious that a male finds pride and satisfaction out of tricking his way into someone’s pants? I can’t help but wonder what it was about me, that made him surround me as a target. Was it my attractiveness? My intelligence? Or was it the challenge? Probably all of the above. I learned a huge lesson from this situation, and that is that no one appears to be who they really are, and especially who they claim to be. At this day and age, you must be truly careful, because there are still sick twisted losers that are plotting to put your panties in a box as a trophy to brag to their friends. Beware black women, on top of everything else, of the conniving asshole who has created a game and formulated a stable out of women, and thinks hitting and quitting is the way to win.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

You Just Never Know

You just never know what is real and what is temporary. What is truth at the gut of your stomach or what is lust that pulses in your center. What is real? I can't seem to decipher lately smiles from frowns. To me, there are just mouths that form lines, lips that form words, words that create emotion, emotion that creates emptiness.

I met a man that became a boy in just one short week. His lips spoke but what did his words say? I can't remember anymore. I can only hear hollowness which became irony which became a 2am realization that you just never know. You just never know man.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Those days are over's been like six months since we last posted so I decided to try to get the ball rolling again. So much has happened in these months, and so much transition. I'll just leave it at that and everyone else can fill in details later if they like. This post is about "Those days are over"...dedicated to all the men who think that they can do whatever craziness they want to do and we will still be there to take them back. SIKE! I'm here to tell you..."No boo, it doesn't work like that" because someone hotter, taller, and more successful will swoop right in and take me away. The Jekyll and Hyde syndrome is common among men who are suffering from too much comfort in a relationship. For those of us who are domestic and believe in some gender roles (don't get carried away because clearly all of us grind every day for our careers) this syndrome comes as a special shock, even though we've seen it before. Everything is good, he's wining and dining go out and he pays for everything, he takes you to all his family functions. He wants you with him all the time, even when he's with his friends, it's like "Yo, that's my girl, I gotta go!." Similarly, you are cooking his favorite meals, picking up his favorite [insert food/drink] when you go grocery shopping, helping him out at his place because Lord knows he needs a woman's touch, and catering to his crazy ass family. Then BAM he's not trying to make as much time for you and its out with his boys regularly again. All of a sudden his "friends" take priority and he fits you in where you get in. So at first you deal with it, I mean it's only be a couple of weeks of this. But by about week 4 he's crossed the line, and you are pretty much fed up. And unfortunately for him, this leads to "SWITCH. Erase, replace, embrace new face!" So men, be warned...if you change up the game, it's cool...but please believe that you messed up your world for yourself...because we are too fly, too successful, and too beautiful to put up with that mess.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

This ain't no love thang...we're just kickin' it

So I'm sitting here feeling like a virgin blogger since I haven't taken a stab at this in a long time, but feeling compelled to get something off of my chest. When Nia Long and Larenz Tate both insisted that "This ain't no love thang...we're just kickin' it", in direct opposition to the glaring reality of their "situation" they hit the mark right on the head. This short, dismissive, statement is pregnant with meaning and symbolism. Men and women simply can't admit to mutual attraction, intense feeling, and a desire to least not right away...and God forbid...not on a "timeline". It's starts with the man in the "situation"...unfailingly he will not want a "title". He may treat you like his woman, lay claim to "his stuff", and even take you home to meet his mama....but at the end of the day you are "dating". And please, don't get it twisted. Reliably, the woman, if she has even a hint of old fashion in her, (or if she's talked it over with her mother who will say "Baby...a man doesn't want to be troubled with these things, just keep him happy, he's not going anywhere"), will not want to rock the boat or trouble the waters by asking the dreaded "where is this going?". So instead, she will cloak herself in nonchalance, smile pretty for the camera, and be the perfect woman who never argues, doesn't get mad when he "forgets" to call, and hardly blinks an eye when his phone rings and he looks at it but doesn't answer. All this to soak up his praise when he says, "See that's why I like you, you don't complain and you don't get mad over small stuff." But this "small stuff" is left over for the woman to bitch, whine and moan about to her friends who can "feel her", which is simply code for "I'm going to agree with you because I got the same problem girl." "This ain't no love thang...we're just kickin' it." If you are a man or a "dating" woman in denial you are probably thinking "that's Hollywood", but something about it catches the essence of Black dating. Supposedly there is this magical moment when things become clear. At least that's what a man thinks. According to a man who shall remain nameless its ok to "Be good "friends" and one day get married", but that doesn't happen in real life. But then again...neither would Love Jones.
(Dedicated to the know who you are).

Saturday, November 12, 2005

I've been hosed

So, it's official... I found out this morning, and I was crushed. It has changed my whole outlook, and I don't think I'll be able to think of California in the same way ever again. Shock and amazement overtook my body, and I stood speechless, staring at the computer screen that revealed the truth from which I wanted to hide.

It has been confirmed that... Laguna Beach is not a true reality television show. Yes, the producer has admitted that the show has "structured but unscripted plot creations". This means that the love triangle, or love square, between Jason, Jessica, Alex and LC was fixed! And that it's not a coincidence that almost all of the characters are moving to LA, just in time for the filming of season 3! I feel so betrayed. So hurt. So bamboozled. And what's next? Is Punk'd all a facade? Is America's Next Top Model rigged? Is Santa Claus not even real?

I know we all scramble to find out the truth, about life, about people, about the past (and about TV shows), but I truly believe it's sometimes better to live with the wool over your eyes. Lesson to be learned: don't go searching around for the truth, cuz you just might find it.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

2005's Slow Goodbye

My Beautiful Black Women-

2006 is upon us. 2005 escapes from us like fresh memories of junior high. And while my bills have piled all year long, my weight has fluctuated, my dreams have changed form: one thing has remained the same: God's patience with my inconsistent life.

I find myself in the club one night, throwing back my fourth vodka tonic, the next night crying in bed and asking God what my purpose is. I've run to men, money, and even a nice pair of shoes for a sense of relief, and all along, God watched me from above, waiting for me to fall again and come back home.

God has also given me something else this year: and that is good health and friends such as you all that have never faltered. We may never see each other like we used to or talk every second, but what is inside cannot be broken, and you are all apart of me.

As 2006 makes its way around this corner, I cannot help but think about our lying president, earthquakes and hurricanes that have shown no mercy, and who knows what else is to come. And I know this for sure now: you're career doesn't matter in the end, and neither does your money. Living in the light does, and I pray that we all continue to shine, and continue to dream bigger than the parameters this crazy world places on us with each new year...